How Not To Turn WFH Into WTF


Hey problem child and adult who refuses to grow up

It is unfortunate that somebody in China probably ate a pangolin, leaving you with no choice but to spend your hard-earned money in buying a good speaker since you're working from home (henceforth called WFH).

A decent speaker, not a half-arse one and preferably with Bluetooth, would likely cost about the sum of five tasteless dishes you have ordered from Zomato. While the food has by now reached the Yamuna or some exalted drain that you call a river in your hometown, a Bluetooth speaker, had you invested in it, would still be serving you and contributing to public peace while WFH.
Let's try to clear the fog. It's only an attempt, mind you.
A PC and a speaker are not only your bread and butter now, they are also your aata-chawal, your sutta-maachis, your soda-whiskey, your everything. These two underrated tools that you take for granted and use to watch stuff from Dark to Fitoor Mishra's CommentArre will keep money flowing into your bank account at the end of every month during the lockdown because WFH.

It's a no-brainer a PC helps create stuff, a speaker helps you hear and to be heard. They are your life now, not in a philosophical way but in a very practical chappal-khayega-nahin-sunnah-toh way.

Ignore basic tech if you don't want to take home some of these.

When Prime Minister Narendra Modi announced the lockdown, nearly three months ago, necessitated by the pandemic allegedly caused by a Chinaman who couldn't have known the difference between a pangolin and a jackfruit on his dining table, you should have immediately got down to work.

You can be forgiven for taking WFH selfies, but your criminal act of not cleaning up that neglected corner of your room to make it into a mini office when you first heard that you would be working in pajamas for the next few months has won you the Dhinchak Pooja Award 2020, which recognises your sheer will to fail with no embarrassment at all. Some may rationalise it as "no fucks given", but you know that's just a placebo. So please grow up, will you?

Your rig doesn't have to be as fancy as this. Actually, some wood, potted plant and black coffee are gareeb NGO-wali/wala territory. They look good but have no teeth. But you, my boys and girls, are doers.

Freelancers who make light of regulars who have recently switched to WFH are bigger liars than alternative facts. Don't make a big deal out of WFH, they say, reminding that they have been doing it for donkey years and there's nothing illuminating or eye-opening about it.

But they won't tell you there was no pandemic while they were freelancing. They could take a walk down a breezy road or go out for coffee if their back hurts from WFH, while today you have to think a hundred times before going out to buy mosquito repellent or garlic, lest you return home with a colony of coronavirus raising a settlement on the promised land, aka your face.

BC, remember the barber. That's "Before Coronavirus".

Remember that you work-from-homers are the tip of the spear in these hard times, no matter what people say. So roll up your goddamn sleeves, eat chicken (or paneer) and get your house in order. If you're reading this and can understand this, you are probably not impoverished. It is unthinkable that you haven't invested in a decent personal PC and speaker months since WFH started (remember that bread and butter thing). And get a faster internet connection too if you can. Maybe divert what would have been office commute cost to buy more data.

Think of the bad times ahead, think of the bone-chilling winter, air so polluted that birds would drop dead and perhaps, occasional food poisoning. They are much better than the coronavirus pandemic.

Fin.

Man, can't wait to see those psychedelic PM2.5 days, much better than the coronavirus pandemic.

P.S. If you're looking for advice, stop everything and listen very carefully to this speech by David Foster Wallace.



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